Thursday, February 23, 2012

A Job in NM with the US Attorneys

Hello everyone! In case you haven't heard yet, Adam got a job! It's in Albuquerque, New Mexico. He will be working with the US Attorneys for a year. It will be an awesome experience and we are excited. We will be moving in less than a month!

While this is great news, there are still problems. The job is an unpaid position. That really stinks. Wash U will be helping with a stipend, and also paying students loans for the year, which is awesome, but it is not very much of a stipend and usually meant for a summer position. (Basically it would cover rent and utilities for three months, not food or health care or gas, etc.)

I have no idea what we are going to do about money. If I were to get a full-time job and put Adeline in daycare, I could end up paying all the money I'm making to daycare. Sometimes women are even paying more to work than if they were to stay home. Bishop's store house for food? I don't even know how that works. I guess I return the favor in service?

Teaching piano lessons and voice lessons sound like good ideas, although it still wouldn't be enough to cover rent and food, etc. And then there is still the problem of when. Do I teach at night so Adam can watch Adeline? Do I just put Adeline in a pack-n-play and have her stay there playing with toys while I do a half-hour lesson? She's almost two. I don't think she would have much fun being confined and ignored for a half-hour. I guess I can try to make a friend nearby and work out some kind of free baby watching system. Return the favor and watch her kids for a bit.

Another wrinkle is that we are trying to save money so we are not going to fly out first to secure housing. We will probably wait until we get there and go through one of the many housing companies. So we might be in a hotel for a few days, but it would still be cheaper than flying out. Packing and moving again is stressing me too, although it won't be too bad with most of our stuff already packed and waiting in a storage unit.

I would also like to have another baby soon, but there doesn't seem to be a way that we can afford that, let alone afford life as it will be with just the three of us. I am still having anxiety dreams (dreaming has become very unpleasant and not restful) and it just stinks that it still feels like life is up in the air for YET ANOTHER YEAR! My life is just frozen. I want it to progress and I'm getting frustrated. I know I should be happy that we have this job in the first place and that it will be an excellent foot-in-the-door for future jobs but it still STINKS to still be in this position.

I'm trying to be excited and open-minded, but I think I am only slightly less stressed than I was about a month ago. I am glad my husband will be productive and getting great experience that will help him in the future job field, but I am just about 8 years away from 40 and wondering if we will even own a home before I turn 40. (I sure don't feel that old!) I know a lot can happen in 8 years, but what? Is Adeline the only kid I'm going to have? It sure feels that way right now. The longer I wait the harder it will be to get pregnant. It makes me sad. And frustrated. The end.