Sunday, November 11, 2012

Bedtime Reading - Eight-Pointed Star with Circle, Seal of Melchizedek

Hello all.

I like to notice these on all the temples I go into. I was pointing them out to Adam in the New Mexico temple when we went, last week I think. I love the symbolism. I don't know too much about it yet, so I thought I'd look it up tonight. Basically I know it's a square symbolizing the earthly, physical, and temporal, with another one shifted at 45 degrees to give the eight-pointed star, with a circle inside that symbolizes heavenly, spiritual things. Therefore, the temple is a place where heaven and earth meet. It also has ramifications with other symbols that we wear. I probably shouldn't discuss it too much. I never know how far I can go without getting myself into trouble, but maybe this seems elementary to you.

Something new I learned tonight is the tie-ins of the star in Morrocan design and that the symbol is even much older than that, showing up in ancient Ur. More reading here.

Eight-Point Star, Khatam, Seal of the Prophets, Four-Fold Archetypes
Fun reading from a non-LDS point-of-view.

Seal of Melchizedek: Part 5
Fun reading from an LDS point-of-view.

I hope to hash them out more later, I could only skim the first one, and barely read the first lines of the second. I really need to hit the hay, so I'm saving these here so I can read more about them later.



P.S. Symbols are FUN! And just looking at one for a split-second can kick your brain from being at rest into fifth gear!

P.S. Well slap me silly, I was the Byzantine Empress Theodora for Halloween 2001 at BYU and stared at that photo from Ravenna for awhile to get the costume right, but never noticed the eight-pointed star on the robe. I know I wasn't really looking for it then. (Also, I know, false robes of the priesthood. For shame.)

P.P.P.S. I can blame this book for even giving me the idea for the costume. I think my mom got it for me. It's really a fun read and very pretty to look through, with costume details from Ancient Greece onto the Byzantines, Germanic peoples, Celts, and Medieval dress. Fun fun!
Ancient European Costume and Fashion

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Marriage Equality Catching Fire

It's something that has been bothering me lately.

Can we pray to know of the truthfulness of marriage equality?

Just a thought. What answer have you gotten?

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat.

Well, I've been losing weight anyway. I'm trying to stay away from the refined foods, sugar in general, and keeping milk products to a minimum. No more milk on cereal for breakfast for me. I am doing the Green For Life smoothies and they sure do bring some vitality to my life. The book is awesome, I am following it to some extent. The whole eating-heathily thing I knew would get all wack when I got married so I was trying to make peace with it, and with the extra 20 or 30 pounds I was carrying around. Because there was no way in heck I was making two meals for the both of us come dinner time. I can barely motivate myself to do the one.

So I compromise. I do the more healthy eating while Adam is gone to work for the day, and then I eat along with him for dinner. And try to eat more salad at dinner. So far, working great! Reminds me a little of the slim-fast diet, shake for breakfast, shake for lunch, and a sensible dinner. Not that I've ever done Slim-Fast. I think it's ridiculous. Unless you plan on buying and eating them for the rest of your life. It has to be a life-style change (and not a "diet") if you want it to last. (Something I've got going for me is that I don't mind eating just plain old baby spinach leaves or kale in a bowl, no salad dressing, no garnish, no nothing. Tastes great! So easy to make.)

Breakfast looks like this:

-Brown rice in a bowl, warmed, with some cinnamon on top (good for blood circulation and expelling toxins, good for diabetics. I'm not diabetic, but I'm sure my blood likes a good cleaning). I usually make a big pot of brown rice and eat it for the rest of the week. It's a good investment of 1 hour a week without me going too nuts. I get the brown rice in bulk from Whole Foods, it's the short grain brown rice, and it just tastes amazing. Way better than the yucky stuff you buy in a little bag at Wal-mart. I finally have been splurging and buying the Whole Foods brown rice (which is still a reasonable price) and Adam had some and really liked it. I think he thinks I've been holding out on him, since I usually buy and make the cheapo Wal-mart brown rice, which really isn't that good, and I don't blame him for not liking it so much. It's really not so great. Go get the Whole Foods kind! Or Sprouts or wherever you like to shop that might carry it in bulk foods.

** Muchos plugs for the book Green For Life

** My dad sent me the book. I should give him muchos props. He is nutrition-conscientious and in the past has sent me good, useful books like:
-Pottinger's Cats
-The China Study

The book looks like this:

And can be purchased through this link ~*~ here. ~*~

-Green smoothie, this takes a little bit of time: Any variety of frozen or fresh fruit (that is compatible with other fruits you might be adding, don't want to go too off the deep end; also, sometimes less is more, you don't want to mix more than three fruits usually), maybe 3 tablespoons of yogurt, maybe Greek yogurt when we have it!, yum!; some watered down Simply Orange orange juice (trying to lessen the sugar here), sometimes just water, no juice; maybe a banana, and of course, I'm forgetting the most important part! Either a large handful of kale or baby spinach. It's good to blend the stuff because then you can really get all the nutrients out of the kale and spinach. The insoluble fiber and the tough cell walls of the dark leafy greens don't break down in your stomach, which means you better be chewing that stuff really well before you swallow it or you won't get to absorb a lot of the nutrients. Blending makes it easier and faster to chew, and to absorb! Yay!

Kale is amazing! I don't know why people think it's bitter. I found that if I do a straight kale smoothie with some water, it's still pretty sweet, whereas if I add some fruit like frozen strawberries, I have to add a smidgen of honey or sugar or juice because it's kind of tart and bitter. This holds true for other fruits. The kale really doesn't do much to the smoothie, it's kind of mild and barely noticable.

The baby spinach makes the smoothie seem even more creamy. It gives a nice creaminess that I enjoy. I did kale for awhile, I buy it in the big bags at Wal-mart, lasts awhile, but one day Wal-mart didn't have any kale stocked. I was kind of bummed! I shook my fist, but then I remembered that they have baby spinach so I bought a big bag of that that also lasted a week or so and I was back to making great, healthy, weight-loss inducing juice.

I'm spoiled, I got a hand-me-down Vita-mix from my dad when he wanted to upgrade his, back in 2007, methinks? He couldn't have found a happier recipient with which to bestow it upon. And I think the thing is going on ten years old and is still working great! Blends like a dream!

Another hilarious thing is that Adeline has started to have smoothies with me. She really likes them! That's what I mean about kale not being as bitter or sour as fruit, spinach too! The proof is my little girl likes them (and she doesn't like sour or bitter things) and she always wants what I'm blending. It's not super sweet like Jamba Juice (much too sweet!) but it's just a nice healthy little party in your mouth.

Lunch is variable. Sometimes it's a sammich with whole wheat bread and a little mustard and mayo, kale or baby spinach with a tomato slice on sliced deli turkey, maybe with a slice of cheese, a side of baby carrots or cucumbers. I love cucumbers so much.

Or lunch might be more fruit and leafy greens. That's what inspired the book Green for Life and the diet. Half your diet should come from antioxidant-filled super-food cancer-fighting leafy greens. Not vegetables, not starchy veggies especially, but dark leafy-green fighting-machines like kale and baby spinach. I probably need to get some more variety in the leafy green arena and branch out to a third, but I'll stick with these for now. I get variety with the fruit and I do still eat veggies. And I eat some protein too, but I am really trying to do more half-and-half the afore-mentioned things.

For me, the cultured milk products are not so taboo. I can have a little cheese and yogurt. Milk in a glass or on cereal is a no-no, no to butter, and ice cream is a definite no. Sometimes I splurge though. If I'm at a birthday party I'll have some cake and ice cream and be sociable. Or if I'm just needing a few scoops after a long couple of weeks, I might indulge. But I am really trying to have it very sparingly. Luckily I don't miss it too much.

Then dinner is whatever, something fun. Tonight was fajitas! Ay yi yi! Other days it's been Pork Wellington or Beef Stroganoff or Sweet and Sour Meatballs. And maybe I'll still have a handful of plain kale or baby spinach. Good fiber, yum yum!

What I like so much about Green For Life is that you don't have to buy a special supplement (like Body For Life) or do anything too hard or too involved, or follow a recipe exactly. You just blend green smoothies. As cooking goes, it's pretty fast. Not as fast as a bowl of cereal with milk, but in the extra ten minutes a day, I get to shed some pounds. It's a good trade-off.

The whole impetus of this post was to talk about Christmas present ideas for the nieces and nephews. (Oops, big diet tangent.) It's REALLY been on my mind, especially since other family members have been talking about it. Darn Christmas. And darn not having money. Our savings/borrowings are still going out the door, but at least the rate has slowed down since I've picked up students to tutor in math and teach piano and voice to.

Okay, basically out of time for the part I meant to talk about first. Shirts for the nephews, and maybe for nieces, too! And possibly Sports Shirts! With team logos on them, made and ironed on or appliqued by yours truly. That was my big epiphanic breakthrough. So I've been getting sisters and brothers and sister-in-laws on the phone to figure out shirt sizes and kids' sports team preferences. I shouldn't tell you TOO much of my plan, because I don't want you buying all the shirts!, but here it is.

-Goodwill has a big deal on Mondays, 25% off. Goodwill is ALREADY getting picked over by Christmas shoppers and it's barely November, so hopefully I can buy the boys and girls plain shirts ready for embellishing, and for ridiculously cheap prices, 75 cents! Seriously, we have barely any money, but I'm trying to be a better aunt. Trying to send AT LEAST a birthday card and a Christmas present. Christmas is fun and I want them to have something fun to remember me and our family by, since we don't get to see them that often, and my side of the family hardly EVER! *sniff sniff sniff* I did get to fly out this past summer so that was good. And I'll be seeing them for Thanksgiving, but after seeing a lot of Adam's family lots and lots (even living with them for a time) I'm getting jealous and I want equal time with my family! Or just a little more than status quo, let's not kid ourselves here, sometimes it's good not to see your family that often. Then you're happier to see them. I can get burned out with people.

Wish me luck in this big undertaking! On top of everything else! I'm nuts!

Romping to bed,

P.S. I'm so proud of myself, I am trying to branch out from kale and baby spinach and today I had a green smoothie with a base of beet greens! Not bad. Reminded me of the spinach. It was a little more bitter but not bad at all.

Friday, September 14, 2012

Good News - Tutoring and Lessons

More Good News,

I just got more students to teach! They are very nice, they are in my ward, and they have tripled my productivity. And their mom is really fun! We had the most excellent chat about how she moved/grew up in London around the 1980s and got to see all the break-out British 80's bands in concert: U2, Duran Duran, UB40, Depeche Mode? I can't remember if that was one of them. She rattled off a bunch. She is also originally from Barbados so she just has a pretty cool accent in general. It was so fun to chat after the lessons, Adeline was conked out in my arms and I wanted her to still get a good nap and I knew loading her into the car would wake her up. So Margaret and I might go to lunch soon. Maybe I'll just have her over for lunch. Her kids are between 15-11 yrs so they are all at school anyway. Maybe she works. I don't know, we'll figure it out.

Her kids are so nice and Adeline really warmed up to everyone today. On Tuesday I do two piano lessons for the two boys, and on Thursday I help all three of them with their math hw. Their daughter is going to start taking voice from me too! I also have two other piano students from another sweet family on Wed. And then I do a voice lesson downtown on Fri. It would be nice to have them all happen on one day, but spacing them out throughout the week is kind of nice too! Adeline seems to be okay with it. And I really enjoy doing it, it doesn't feel like work at all! And the students already seem to be progressing and are learning more and more. Huzzah!

It's ridiculously late, I promised myself I would be in bed by midnight (look how well that went?) and I need rest really bad. (That recipe took WAY longer to upload than I anticipated.) I need to be a good sleeping girl while Adam's away. I'm going to the temple tomorrow and hopefully I can keep my eyes open! Every day he's been away I've gotten more and more lazy and I have got to get back on a good schedule. I keep procrastinating doing my sit-ups. (I'm in a 10,000 crunches in 100 days group, I'm 1/4 of the way!) And I need to get them out of the way so I don't just keep putting them off and staying up later and later.

'Nighty night, don't let the bed bugs bite.
P.S. It's hard to be a perfectionist AND a procrastinator. ~Does not compute.~

Saturday, September 8, 2012

I'm proud.

I'm proud of myself. I cut my electric bill in half, and we're talking during the summertime. Hot New Mexico summers! Okay, it's not so bad. Usually just in the nineties.

How have I done it, you ask? Are you ready? Do you really want to know? Sometimes the cure is worse than the disease.

I did it by not using the A/C (not fun) and not using the dryer. When you think about it, if you are not doing A), the A/C, then B), the dryer, will heat up your house anyway. Instead of A/C, we would get a nice airflow going from the front door to the back porch, right through the kitchen. Cooking is kind of unbearable, I try not to use the oven, and the stove heats up the place anyway. It would let in tons of flies, so I had to go buy a fly swatter at the Dollar Store. Good thing I didn't go too late in the season, because they were almost all out of fly swatters! And let me tell you, I am getting to be a dead-eye at swatting those flies and maybe it's helping with my fencing skills too? I can hope.

I figure if my pioneer ancestors could live in those conditions, then I could too. Maybe it will humble me after I've been so proud about bragging about cutting down my electric bill.

The dryer is tricky. This definitely adds more work and wasted time into my day, but so be it for being poor. I am getting more creative and resilient. I have to hang the clothes all around the house on the furniture, on the chairs, on the elliptical (let's face it, that's all they are good for), the dresser drawers in the bedroom pulled out to double as a hanging rack for all those clothes. And then I have to pick up ALL the clothes after they have dried and put them away. We'll not sugar-coat things and say that sometimes it gets pretty messy in here. Especially when I am too tired to put away the clothes that day. As long as the ceiling fan is on and I did the laundry early enough, it is usually dry and sucked of moisture by 5pm. Thank goodness for living in the desert, because our clothes would probably just stink and mildew back in Missouri.

I recently thought of C), turning down the water heater, and D), not using the laptop as much, as a way to save even more money. C) I should have checked LONG AGO because it was at its highest setting! And a lot of the time if we used the bathroom right by the garage (where the water heater is located), then we'd practically get scalded by the heat if we only used the hot tap. D) is more because the laptop gets HOT as it's running and makes it more unbearable in here. Did I mention that the normal day temperature in my house is a balmy 85 degF? And it will still get to 90 degF in the kitchen most days around 5pm, when I have to start cooking dinner. In the past, I would have freaked out and turned the A/C on before we climbed above 78 degF. I sure am excited for some nice cool fall weather, and heck, even winter!

We'll have to see what the electric bill looks like now that I've enacted C) and D), on top of A) and B). Although I am not going to lie to you. Sometimes I get weak (and practical) and turn on the A/C once it gets to 90 degF, or when we are trying to put Adeline down for the night and it's hot as blazes and I know she will sleep better if I turn the A/C on for the hour we are putting her down. I know, I SPLURGE!

That's me in a nutshell. I'm as nutty as ever, going on a Taos trip tomorrow, 600 miles, baby! And then will be doing my first ward choir practice on Sunday as the new ward choir director. Fun! No pianist yet, so I'll be doing that too, I suppose. I LOVE MY ADAM! Adam and I celebrated a wonderful 6th anniversary and we went to see The Amazing Spiderman in 3D! And then we ate a delightful dinner from Pei Wei, I love that place. I love to get brown rice with my Chinese/Pan Asian food, and not have to wait long or pay and arm and a leg for it!

Have a great day!

P.S. Photos of said anniversary. Ooh, I was looking foxy that day!

P.P.S. I got Adam that shirt at the Goodwill and it looks AWESOME!!!

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Bloggity blog. Things are looking up.

Hi and welcome, won't you?

I am trying to think straight now that Adeline's got her toy guitar at full-blast. What was I doing? Where am I? What's my name? What's the square root of 2, to 5 decimal places? I had a good train of thought, but it's gone out the window. What a good girl though, I am always explaining to her when it's too loud to turn it down. And she just did! And said, "Make it...quiet." Apparently the lessons have sunk in. Hooray!

In a twist of pleasant events, I realized yesterday that I have not had an anxiety dream in a long time since coming to Albuquerque. That is very nice. Apparently my subconscious feels like it can deal with life again and I don't have to be beaten by repeated tidal and tsunami waves (one of my most common reoccurring anxiety dreams), or being chased and stung by bees, or being chased and bitten by snakes, or having my teeth fall out, or having to try to remember junior high locker combinations that have long since evaporated out of my memory, making me late for class. Funny that it's not the naked final in college. But I actually liked high school and college, whereas junior high would often bring me to tears and I'm sure gave me plenty of complexes where some of the P.E. girls would talk about wanting to beat me up for accidently hitting one of their friends during gym in the chest with a soccer ball (this went on for at least a month, and I was prepared to fight them like a cornered animal), or when rumors about me being a lesbian started going around. Yeah, thanks a lot, junior high. You suck. On another note, I'm not really scared of bees and snakes, not like spiders, so after having a few of these dreams, they are just a dull ache and annoying bother, and not really too traumatic. Just exhausting. I wake up tired after those dreams. I like the ocean and waves too, except when I'm being mercilessly beaten and waterlogged in my dreams by big waves that I can't handle.

Wow, Danelle the Downer has reared her ugly head. This was supposed to be a happy post. Well I still haven't been sleeping well, but that is due more to me not wanting to go to bed and puttering around at night. Discipline discipline. Haha! Maybe I'm too tired to have anxiety dreams. Whatever happened to Disciplined Danelle? Was I ever disciplined?

My window to take Adeline to the park, or at least outside, is closing, so I had better bring you up to speed on life since moving to Albuquerque. It's lovely here, we enjoy it. I enjoy it. The ward is awesome. I love so many of the ladies, many I am still getting to know. I still feel like I could do better at calling people and getting more involved in activities going on. I've been placed in Nursery, which has put me in a social black hole, and I had to make peace with it (and I am loving it now!), since it has felt like an official or unofficial calling for the last THREE YEARS! Seriously, can I try something new? But now my husband hints to me (he's the Ward Clerk and hangs with the Bishopric and is privy to some details) that a new calling might be blowing my way. And that I might have to do double-duty too. Oops, I think I said Mum's the Word when he was telling me all this. Well sorry, it's been on my mind. He hinted that it was a musical calling. That's fine, although I've been getting a little tired of those too. I've been playing the organ for the last little while too, and doing ward choir stuff and accompaniment, it seems almost since I met Adam in the Newport Beach singles ward. (Splitting hairs, he was in the Irvine ranch branch, but we had mutual friends.) Tangent: I think it's kind of funny that Adam is the Ward Clerk. I guess it was a natural progression. His last calling was Executive Secretary so he is used to hanging with the Bishopric. About ward clerks, the last ward clerk I dated was at BYU and his name was Adam too! We used to flirt and make eyes at church and we dated for awhile and I would bring him chocolate-covered strawberries when he had to stay a few hours after church doing the tithing stuff. I did find out that he has hypoglycemia so the chocolate-covered strawberries after having not eaten for awhile was probably not the best thing for him to be eating. Oh well. He was a good kid. And I should bring MY ADAM some chocolate-covered strawberries when he has to stay after late. Seriously, the strawberries are in the fridge ready to go for this week.

Adam and I are having our SIXTH ANNIVERSARY on Septempber 2nd, and we are celebrating it this Saturday. I'm excited for that. I LOVE YOU, ADAM! (He's probably not going to read this, but I'm still going to say it.) I actually had to "do the math" to remember how many years we had been married. I was sure that this was our seventh anniversary, but nope, I snuck an extra year in there. What's funny is that the day after I had confirmed the actual number in my brain bucket, we were driving in the car and Adam said, "It will almost be our tenth anniversary soon!" And I had to laugh and ask him how long he though we had been married, and I think he said 7 or 8 years. I had to set him straight and jab him a little, joking that maybe things are so tedious in our marriage that it just FEELS that long. But hopefully I am not too much of a harpy. I hardly nag. Maybe I nag once a month. I do stupid things though. Like take long road trips to get photos. Not everyone is happy that I do this, but I really enjoy it and the contest will be over soon. And then I will find the next stupid thing with which to devote my time. (Did you see what I did there? I avoided a dangling modifier. I was going to say "stupid thing to devote my time *to*." Never end with "to." I'm trying to be better about my English and grammar. I really do know that I am the queen of fragmented sentences. I guess that is the way I speak. I am also the queen of contractions. Maybe I should cut those out too!)

I hope we can find some fun cheap ways to celebrate our anniversary. It seems like every year we are poorer and poorer, and the past few years I have only gotten him cheap little gifts like chocolates, nothing that follows the traditional anniversary gifts. This year I was thinking about hitting up the Goodwill and getting him the wood, metal, paper, etc, gifts for each year to make up for my lame presents, something that we'll be able to enjoy for the next ten years. I would up-cycle them and make them look good, or personalize them in some way. This week is busy though, and it probably won't happen. I at least wanted to do a caricature of us in our wedding attire or rollerskating or something and frame it for the wall! Cheesy, I know. But a good kind of cheesy. "It's a good silly." I don't really do caricatures but I wanted to teach myself how to do them. It would be fun. I think I have always been an artist first. Then I would be a singer/pianist/performer. And then a scientist/astronomer. I do love science immensely but it's not my first love.

Back to the ceasing of my anxiety dreams, I still have my bizarre ways of coping with the whole Adam-not-getting-a-salary thing. I have my food storage, and I have bought TONS of fabric. Yes, I am sharing something I should probably not share. Our third bedroom is a giant unorganized mess of fabric, a lot of it cute patterned bedsheets I got cheaply at the Goodwill. I figure if everything goes to pot we will at least be clothed. In a funny way it brings me comfort. How sad, I probably just confessed to you that I am a budding hoarder. I've probably always been one. It's how I'm coping. It is probably completely bonkers to be doing that, and I need to get myself organized. That third bedroom should be my piano lesson teaching room and art and craft studio, or something. The messes are depressing. I do need to tackle them. I was visualizing myself fighting, literally fighting, like with a sword, the clutter that has taken over some of the house. And it was actually motivating me to do it! I didn't have time yesterday to actually do it, but here's to hoping that today I can motivate myself to do it and make this place a peaceful, clean place. Things are looking up!

Approximaverit sidera! I need to bust out the tel E scope and go look at the stars, "they're beautiful, aren't they?"

Lovies, Danelle

Stars. I never really look at them anymore, but they actually are quite... beautiful.

Uh, Kay, you're frightening your partner.

I guess now I'm just exaggerating since I had that Star Party at Jarilynne's during the summer and Adam and I used the tele when we first got here. But I caught myself staring at the stars driving home on the road trip a few days ago, looking at the lovely Milky Way and being excited that I could see it in rural New Mexico. And then since I lingered and laughed at book club, I got to stare at them for a little while when walking out to my car. It was nice. And peaceful. And majestic. The moon is looking quite lovely, too. When you study them, you stop seeing the beauty, too.

Addendum - Seriously, Blogger, must you always be messing up my posting? Where did all my nicely spaced paragraphs go? Not cool. This is why I will never truly jump on the bandwagon. I guess I should give credit where it's due, I have never been able to even post a complete post from Google Chrome, I always had to open IE to do it, which is beyond weird because isn't Blogger connected with Google? But it worked today, so someone programmed and slapped a patch on that mess. Google, I expected more from you, and you usually delivered more too! Google, I still like you though. How could I not? Your email service is great and you've given me plenty of free space, for which I am not ungrateful. Still, I had to bust out the basic html programming today to get the spaces in, and Adeline's and my park time suffered. I want that time back! End rant.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

A Job in NM with the US Attorneys

Hello everyone! In case you haven't heard yet, Adam got a job! It's in Albuquerque, New Mexico. He will be working with the US Attorneys for a year. It will be an awesome experience and we are excited. We will be moving in less than a month!

While this is great news, there are still problems. The job is an unpaid position. That really stinks. Wash U will be helping with a stipend, and also paying students loans for the year, which is awesome, but it is not very much of a stipend and usually meant for a summer position. (Basically it would cover rent and utilities for three months, not food or health care or gas, etc.)

I have no idea what we are going to do about money. If I were to get a full-time job and put Adeline in daycare, I could end up paying all the money I'm making to daycare. Sometimes women are even paying more to work than if they were to stay home. Bishop's store house for food? I don't even know how that works. I guess I return the favor in service?

Teaching piano lessons and voice lessons sound like good ideas, although it still wouldn't be enough to cover rent and food, etc. And then there is still the problem of when. Do I teach at night so Adam can watch Adeline? Do I just put Adeline in a pack-n-play and have her stay there playing with toys while I do a half-hour lesson? She's almost two. I don't think she would have much fun being confined and ignored for a half-hour. I guess I can try to make a friend nearby and work out some kind of free baby watching system. Return the favor and watch her kids for a bit.

Another wrinkle is that we are trying to save money so we are not going to fly out first to secure housing. We will probably wait until we get there and go through one of the many housing companies. So we might be in a hotel for a few days, but it would still be cheaper than flying out. Packing and moving again is stressing me too, although it won't be too bad with most of our stuff already packed and waiting in a storage unit.

I would also like to have another baby soon, but there doesn't seem to be a way that we can afford that, let alone afford life as it will be with just the three of us. I am still having anxiety dreams (dreaming has become very unpleasant and not restful) and it just stinks that it still feels like life is up in the air for YET ANOTHER YEAR! My life is just frozen. I want it to progress and I'm getting frustrated. I know I should be happy that we have this job in the first place and that it will be an excellent foot-in-the-door for future jobs but it still STINKS to still be in this position.

I'm trying to be excited and open-minded, but I think I am only slightly less stressed than I was about a month ago. I am glad my husband will be productive and getting great experience that will help him in the future job field, but I am just about 8 years away from 40 and wondering if we will even own a home before I turn 40. (I sure don't feel that old!) I know a lot can happen in 8 years, but what? Is Adeline the only kid I'm going to have? It sure feels that way right now. The longer I wait the harder it will be to get pregnant. It makes me sad. And frustrated. The end.